The Maine difference

  • whoopie_pieThey call their “moon pies,” “whoopie pies.”
  • They have at least as many mosquitoes and no-see-’ems as we do, but their bugs just don’t live as long.
  • They have as many pickup trucks as we do.
  • Domino’s Pizza delivers in 4-wheel drive vehicles.
  • They sell liquor in the supermarket.
  • They don’t ban the sale of anything (even booze and hand tools) during Sunday church services.
  • They have banned all billboards along highways. Hallelujah!
  • They wear blue uniforms in their war reenactments*.
  • Most everyone either wears a cap with the letter “B” on it, or a shirt with “Red Sox” emblazoned across the front, which is for a team that isn’t college, doesn’t play football and is in a whole ‘nother state.
  • You are more likely to see a sign warning of a moose or snowmobile crossing than an alligator or deer.
  • You won’t see grits on a breakfast menu, but you are likely to see baked beans.
  • IMG_4618They don’t seem to have any Baptist churches, but do have a lot of Congregational churches, although their steeples aren’t as nearly as tall as we have in the South.
  • Even in the summer, the trees don’t have Kudzu growing on them.
  • Instead of boiled peanuts or peaches, they sell berries along the roadside.
  • Their charity shops don’t have any cold weather clothes – perhaps we could work out a trade since Southern charity stores are filled with them?
  • Walmart seems the same, but carries snow blowers and hockey sticks.
  • McDonald’s and Wendy’s sell “Southern Biscuits” and are introducing, “Sweetened Ice Tea.”
  • They have a better selection of rice in their grocery stores (they call them Shaws), than we do.
  • The sand on their beaches are the size of boulders – in fact, I think they are boulders.
  • Their town of Rockland compares favorably to Rock City or Stone Mountain.
  • They also have cities named Ashland, Athens, Augusta, Burlington, Brunswick, Camden, Charleston, Columbia, Dallas, etc.
  • The senators in Maine are all women. One is an independent and they both voted with the Dems on the stimulus. Really.
  • Contrary to popular belief, there are a few snakes in Maine, though I’ve never seen one there.
  • Their wild flowers actually grow wild and do not require prisoners to plant them along the highway.
  • IMG_4646For a couple of months each year, the grass is actually greener there. Then it turns white.
  • You are more likely to hear a French TV network than a Spanish TV network.
  • Their shovel-ready highway stimulus spending largesse will “Mainely” go to adding a few quarter-mile long passing lanes on their wimpy little two-lane highways.
  • You can’t find a Krispy Kreme donut anywhere in Maine. They sell something the same shape called a “Dunkin’ Donut.”
  • The dirt under their grass isn’t red or clay-like.
  • If you don’t know where you are going, the direction signs on the roads won’t help a bit.
  • They still offer welfare as we used to know it. I even heard stories of women who had babies just to get more of it.
  • You’ll hear loud music you don’t want to hear blaring from cars driven by young people just like we have in the South.
  • I was told that it “rained 35 days in June.”
  • Based on what’s playing in the bars, they do love Nascar and country music.
  • Their young people can’t find jobs, either.
  • They also have a lot of businesses that have gone under and more houses for sale than buyers.
  • They pronounce “er” as “ah” sorta like we tend to do, ‘cept they say it real fast. In fact, they say everything so fast it hardly sounds like Southern at all.
  • Worlds_Largest_LobsterTheir idea of fishing is to put a bag of chicken parts in a little bag, tying it inside a cage and tossing it in the water – when they pull it back up, it is filled with these big red bugs that have large claws. Then they sell them for below what it costs to gas their boats to people who turn them into lobster rolls (I kid you not, lobster and mayonnaise on a hot dog bun), which are offered on just about every street corner. BBQ is nowhere to be found.
  • They don’t have air conditioning – with global warming, they’ll need that.

I noticed these differences last week while visiting my son. He’s a reverse carpetbagger, lives on the Maine coast with his wife and my granddaughter. True to his heritage, he wears shorts and flip flops year-round – even to shovel the snow. He wanted a white Christmas so badly the first year he was up there, that he bought a snow gun like they have on the ski slopes, but he didn’t end up needing it.

Bubbas_Hair_SignAll to say, the Maine differences between the North and South don’t seem so great and can probably be overcome in the centuries to come if they’ll just learn the language.

_________________
*Revolutionary war – the one against the British.

Note: Terri Evans contributed to this story with what I’m sure she’d acknowledge were all the good ideas and the better photos. She did plan to proof it, but didn’t get around to it, so please let her know about the missing words, poor grammar, etc., so she can remind me of how she always makes me look smarter than I really am.

7 thoughts on “The Maine difference

  1. jasbro

    Somebody from Georgia should be able to help their billboard deficiency. Have you been down I-75 from Macon to Lake Park recently?

    Reply
  2. Noel

    Lobstah rolls at McDonalds in Portland, could use some Waffle Houses and Krispy Kremes, and there are exactly zero amount of moose, or mooses, or meese in the entire state. I don’t care what they say.
    You’re right about the bugs, yet one of the most eye-pleasing places I’ve ever visited.
    Camden is perfect.
    Drove to top of Cadillac Mountain and the only other car there was from Dekalb Co, Ga. Turned out they knew me. Stephen King moment.
    Didn’t see a wendigo either, but thought I heard one.

    Reply
  3. Pam Dudoff

    Lee, Sorry we missed you when you were visiting!

    Noel, believe me there are plenty of moose in Maine! Next time you visit I suggest that you ‘go-on up ta’ moosehead lake so ‘ya can see sum real live moose’. If you travel far enough north you can actually get a license to hunt moose and for a lot of families this winter in northern Maine this will be what they eat to get through the winter. Just be careful you don’t hit a moose with your car because moose are very big and your car will be totalled, guarenteed! If you want to see the “real” part of Maine instead of the Southern part that has been spoiled by all those ‘city folks’ from Boston that have moved into Portland, plan for a longer trip. It will take 5 or 6 hours to drive far enough North to see real Maniacs. However if you travel longer than this (8 or 9 hours north) you will still be in Maine but you will think you have traveled ‘way back’ in time.

    Reply

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