Chrysler CEO “Test Dummy Bob” Nardelli (formerly known as Home Depot CEO “Builder Bob”) has signaled bold new initiatives to save the deeply troubled company. With sales even lower than forecast, Chrysler announced it would reject additional Federal TARP money as they don’t need to make or finance any new cars.
Rumors at Chrysler, suggest that may not be the only reason. Speaking on the condition of anonymity, insiders say Nardelli has signed an exclusive deal with the Republican party to sell a new, and potentially, brand-saving car to be named the “Tea Bag”. “The 2010 Chrysler Tea Bag is the perfect family car to push off a cliff (sic: or dump in a local bay),” said industry analysts on last night’s Fox news, “plus, it will have zero air pollution and get unlimited mileage while falling and that ought to please the liberal media.”
Technically, the Tea Bag will only require putting a new logo on already manufactured Chryslers. Restructuring plans call for firing remaining union workers and use executives to put the new Tea Bag logos on their existing inventory of cars.
In a conflicting report, The Washington Post reported today that Chrysler is rejecting the bailout because its top executives refused to sign an agreement limiting executive compensation as they prepare to negotiate union concessions.