A survival recipe for Valentine’s Day

Surviving Valentine's DayMostly for the guys… Like the other major holidays, pretending is critical to the success of Valentine’s. On Christmas, we must believe in Santa and that they’ve been good. On Easter, that the Bunny delivers eggs. On her birthday, that she looks younger. And like anniversaries, on Valentine’s, we must pretend that we are capable of deep romantic thoughts. This is very important, because on Valentine’s, it is the thought that counts. This year, it will be harder than normal because Valentine’s Day falls on a Sunday. No room for empty gestures here. It will last all day. So here are some ideas to get you thinking right:
The minimum:

  • A card (available at most any modern gas station or drug store). The important thing here is that it isn’t funny. Look for something that includes the word “love” or “sweetheart” or “Valentine.” For extra points look for the word, “forever.”
  • A flower (available at most any modern gas station and most major intersections). Roses are best, but most anything will do including whatever is growing in your neighbor’s yard.
  • Breakfast (available at any modern gas station, drive-through or in frozen foods in any grocery store). Breakfast in bed is best and it is the thought that counts. Whatever you can fix will be just fine even if it’s from a can. Though it has been suggested to me that most women do not like to wake up to a steak biscuit with chicken gravy – preferring, perhaps, a croissant and a mimosa.
  • A wake-up kiss (you’re on your own here). Make sure you brush your teeth first.

Options:

  • Candy (available at most any modern gas station or drug store). This is listed as an option, because there is some risk. Not just any candy will do. It must be Valentine’s candy and come in a heart shaped box or at least have those wonderful little sayings like “cutie pie” or “lovebug” written on them.
  • Gifts (only available at jewelry stores, in mall lingerie departments and on-line variations thereof). I suggest you stay away from this, they set a dangerous precedent for future years. You might also consider a day at a spa. The spa is tricky. Make sure you tell her how beautiful she is, before she goes. If you tell her upon her return she’ll surely say, “I had no idea I looked so bad before” which would, of course, change the dynamics of the day.
  • Brunch (available at any modern gas station, drive-through or many restaurants).
  • Make a reservation for Saturday night at one of the nicer hotels in town.

A sincere effort
Most women know that even the clumsiest of men can cook eggs. So if you’re sincere about your Valentine, then try this recipe for breakfast in bed. My wife really likes this dish. More importantly, she loves the name… Moonstruck Eggs… she thinks it’s romantic. I call them Moonstruck Eggs because I watched Cher make them or something similar for Nicolas Cage in the movie, Moonstruck.

Ingredients:

  • Rye Bread
  • Egg
  • Cheese
  • Butter
  • Skillet
  • One or more dog

Heat one tbsp. of butter in a skillet on medium high. Make a hole in the bread about the size of a baseball. Toss the hole to the dogs for a morning treat. Put the bread in the skillet and crack an egg just over the hole. When the egg is cooked to the desire of your beloved (pokey or not),  place a slice of cheddar cheese on top of the egg. Broil in the oven until the cheese is melted and the bread is crisp. Serve with great fanfare and maybe a napkin.

One more suggestion: check out LikeTheDew’s Dew Shops – if you click on one of the sites listed, you can get something really nice for your Valentine and a small commission will go to support LikeTheDew.com.

7 thoughts on “A survival recipe for Valentine’s Day

  1. Frank Povah

    Thanks for the tips, Lee. I was beginning to get scared. I’ll skip your egg recipe, though. Minus the broiler and cheese (I’d put that with butter on the bit that left the hole and eat it myself), an egg fried that way is known in Australia as a Devil’s eye and my wife, having lived there with me, knows it!

    Reply
  2. Kay Powell

    For Valentine’s Day, my husband gave me a divorce. Yep, we went to court on Valentine’s Day to finalize it.
    As we walked out of court arm-in-arm, the judge asked my lawyer, “Is that Kay’s new lover?”
    “No,” my lawyer said, “that’s the man she just divorced!”
    The judge’s jaw dropped, but he got a story he told for years and I got the freedom I’ve enjoyed for years.

    Reply
  3. austin

    i find it highly ironic, if not hypocritical, that you always pose as the callous male non-romantic.You and Terri adore each other in the most genuine way, on a day to day basis.

    Wait, wait; now i get it. In a backhanded way your article lampoons the disingenuousness of the national craze of commercializing yet another human endeavor.

    Reply
  4. Gita

    I realize as I post this that Valentine’s Day is almost over. So my advice comes too late to save many lives. However, unless you want the paramedics to come for ya next Valentine’s Day, do NOT buy your cards, cologne or breakfast foods at a gas station. Why? Because 9 times out of 10 your wife/paramour/beloved will find the receipt you leave lying around and you do NOT want to be standing there when she reads the words “Exxon Quik-Mart.”

    Reply

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